Thank you for completing this weeks challenge. I think it is your first on your own. Make sure you share it with people that you know.
Mr Paine
A good balance of the disgusting images in the brain when reading this and the relief when she gets out. Drowning in the stomach was my favourite bit.
Lots of short sentences for power and effect. Next time I might use one longer sentence in the middle to slow the reader down and add detail.
A great piece. Write alone again as you have produced excellent work here.
Mrs Haka
well done
you have really put a great picture in my mind
Great imagination, try not to use she as much at the start of a sentence.
Great work Kira, although I do agree with Mrs Haka. You could try to use a few longer sentences to create a nice mixture. Well done.
amazing very imaginative
Well done! I thought this story is very exciting and I really enjoyed reading it xx
its disgusting but great at the same time
Good story I really liked it even though it was disgusting.
Comments are closed.
Thank you for completing this weeks challenge. I think it is your first on your own. Make sure you share it with people that you know.
Mr Paine
A good balance of the disgusting images in the brain when reading this and the relief when she gets out. Drowning in the stomach was my favourite bit.
Lots of short sentences for power and effect. Next time I might use one longer sentence in the middle to slow the reader down and add detail.
A great piece. Write alone again as you have produced excellent work here.
Mrs Haka
well done
you have really put a great picture in my mind
Great imagination, try not to use she as much at the start of a sentence.
Great work Kira, although I do agree with Mrs Haka. You could try to use a few longer sentences to create a nice mixture. Well done.
amazing very imaginative
Well done! I thought this story is very exciting and I really enjoyed reading it xx
its disgusting but great at the same time
Good story I really liked it even though it was disgusting.