Powerful, great ideas Zak – I enjoyed it. I like the short sentence to start the piece as it makes the reader think where the war is, when, why…
If you wanted to improve this piece further you could look at punctuation. Taking the second sentence for example some punctuation would help the reader, e.g.:
… a war so powerful; so deep it exploded into a collosal deviation – unforgetable throughout history.
or you could use commas
… a war so powerful, so deep it exploded into a collosal deviation that is unforgetable throughout history…
Zak, well done for completing this week’s challenge. Writing as good as this should be shared.
Mr Paine
Powerful, great ideas Zak – I enjoyed it. I like the short sentence to start the piece as it makes the reader think where the war is, when, why…
If you wanted to improve this piece further you could look at punctuation. Taking the second sentence for example some punctuation would help the reader, e.g.:
… a war so powerful; so deep it exploded into a collosal deviation – unforgetable throughout history.
or you could use commas
… a war so powerful, so deep it exploded into a collosal deviation that is unforgetable throughout history…
Keep enjoying writing!
Mrs Haka
Great work
great work m8
Use some different types of punctuation to help the readers to understand the story more and make it have more effect.
this is a great piece of work I really like the idea mate