Loads of great ideas here – another great piece. I like a simple robin becoming unusual.
Things to work on if you were to improve this would be to keep in the 3rd person throughout (as you strangely change to 1st person half way through) and also check punctuation before publishing as you miss a full stop near the end and could also use commas or ! or ? after the dialogue before the speaker, e.g.:
“H… h… how are you talking?” I asked…
“Wait! Come back,” a voice echoed (or use ! instead of comma).
Thank you for sharing your story with us, you certainly have a way with words and are very creative. I was really drawn into the imagery of the robin and the twist of him being able to speak.
Achieng, I love to read you blogs. You pack so much into a 100 words. Be sure to share your wonderful writing with your family.
Mr Paine
Loads of great ideas here – another great piece. I like a simple robin becoming unusual.
Things to work on if you were to improve this would be to keep in the 3rd person throughout (as you strangely change to 1st person half way through) and also check punctuation before publishing as you miss a full stop near the end and could also use commas or ! or ? after the dialogue before the speaker, e.g.:
“H… h… how are you talking?” I asked…
“Wait! Come back,” a voice echoed (or use ! instead of comma).
Hope that is helpful.
Mrs Haka
Achieng
Thank you for sharing your story with us, you certainly have a way with words and are very creative. I was really drawn into the imagery of the robin and the twist of him being able to speak.
Great job.
Keep writing.
I really like this keep up the good work Achieng
great story Achieng
amazing work loved it
Thank you for all your comments!
Loved your work Achieng, you are an amazing writer
Great work as always. Try to replace Libby with a pronoun like she. But apart from that it was awesome.
Thank you for your comment, I will consider them.