Is this your first piece? Well done – some great ideas here – the world of a computer game! I wonder what it would be like in a computer game?
Next time you post you could edit your work with a partner before publishing to check you have included the right punctuation. Lots of professional authors do this as they come up with the ideas, write them down and then pay lots of money to editors to perfect their punctuation.
Jack,
You’ve created an exciting 100WC story here and I love the fact you end with a cliffhanger; I want to know what happens next! You’ve used some good adjectives as well which help to bring the story to life. Some of your sentences are quite long and could be split into different sentences so we don’t run out of breath reading it! Keep up the imaginative work, Jack. Well done!
Laura A, Team100, Luxembourg
PS. Sorry for my late comment! I was travelling and without internet!
Jack, well done for joining the 100 word challenge. An imaginative piece of writing which you must share with your family.
Mr Paine
Is this your first piece? Well done – some great ideas here – the world of a computer game! I wonder what it would be like in a computer game?
Next time you post you could edit your work with a partner before publishing to check you have included the right punctuation. Lots of professional authors do this as they come up with the ideas, write them down and then pay lots of money to editors to perfect their punctuation.
Waiting in anticipation for your next piece.
Mrs Haka
great story Jack
Really good piece of writing Jack good use of imagination.
That’s Is good Jack. I like your ideas as well
This is a very good piece of work! Great use of your imagination Jack
Jack,
You’ve created an exciting 100WC story here and I love the fact you end with a cliffhanger; I want to know what happens next! You’ve used some good adjectives as well which help to bring the story to life. Some of your sentences are quite long and could be split into different sentences so we don’t run out of breath reading it! Keep up the imaginative work, Jack. Well done!
Laura A, Team100, Luxembourg
PS. Sorry for my late comment! I was travelling and without internet!