I love the last 2 sentences the most – very gripping!
There are 2 sentences in the middle where I think commas would benefit the reader and improve your writing. I think you can spot these yourself if you look carefully. One in “Sweat trickled….” and in the sentence starting “I was only…”
I look forward to reading another or your great pieces in the future.
Good story. I like when you put ” All of the sudden the creature viciously swooped down..” That makes me want to read the story more. Keep up your great writing!
Serena,
This is amazing I like the suspense at the beginning.
Also you are an amazing at everything English like adjectives, adverbs and you just get everything you do with English I think that if I had to give you a level and something out of ten I would give you a 10/10 because your amazing fabulous and I like the title SERENATHEGREAT which fits your story (and you.)
Serena, another great blog. You must share it with your with your sisters and parents.
Mr Paine
Thanks Mr P. 😀 :]
I love the last 2 sentences the most – very gripping!
There are 2 sentences in the middle where I think commas would benefit the reader and improve your writing. I think you can spot these yourself if you look carefully. One in “Sweat trickled….” and in the sentence starting “I was only…”
I look forward to reading another or your great pieces in the future.
Mrs Haka
Thanks Mrs Haka for taking the time to comment on my work. thank you for your next steps for me. I will try to use commas there.
Good story. I like when you put ” All of the sudden the creature viciously swooped down..” That makes me want to read the story more. Keep up your great writing!
thanks. 😀
Serena,
This is amazing I like the suspense at the beginning.
Also you are an amazing at everything English like adjectives, adverbs and you just get everything you do with English I think that if I had to give you a level and something out of ten I would give you a 10/10 because your amazing fabulous and I like the title SERENATHEGREAT which fits your story (and you.)