Yes, another good piece. How long are you given to write these? You have a good imagination. I am curious about the plastic thing. What could it be? I also like the variety of sentences you use – short sentences for effect and a rhetorical question.
Next step would be to work on the tenses you are writing in. Did you realise the seeds were scruptious is past tense, then you switch mid-paragraph to past tense. I would stick to one tense per paragraph. You could use “are” scruptious or alternatively you could write the first paragraph in the past tense, e.g. “a human approached”. Which do you think is more effective for the reader to enjoy? Aks you friends and family for their opinion?
Emily. You are becoming an old hand at completing the challenge now. Another great entry which you must share with you parents.
Mr Paine
Yes, another good piece. How long are you given to write these? You have a good imagination. I am curious about the plastic thing. What could it be? I also like the variety of sentences you use – short sentences for effect and a rhetorical question.
Next step would be to work on the tenses you are writing in. Did you realise the seeds were scruptious is past tense, then you switch mid-paragraph to past tense. I would stick to one tense per paragraph. You could use “are” scruptious or alternatively you could write the first paragraph in the past tense, e.g. “a human approached”. Which do you think is more effective for the reader to enjoy? Aks you friends and family for their opinion?
I look forward to your next piece.
Mrs Haka
I meant present tense mid-paragraph. Oops!
Emily this is another fabulous piece of work you did.
I like how your the bird not the human.