Content wise this is one of my favourite pieces this week – it reminds me of the legend of “The Firebird” and I love the idea of the small people.
What you could work on to improve this further would be to include some punctuation – some sentences are a little long and you have also missed opportunities to use commas, e.g. “The little people, smaller than you or I, “. I also think the first few words would make a great short sentence – “The challenge had begun!” This would draw the reader in, giving them an opportuity to anticipate what the challenge might be and to begin to ask questions in their mind.
Thanks for this Alana – I look forward to your future pieces.
Alana. Thanks for completing this weeks challenge. I always enjoy reading your blogs and I am sure you family will as well if you share it with them.
Mr Paine
Content wise this is one of my favourite pieces this week – it reminds me of the legend of “The Firebird” and I love the idea of the small people.
What you could work on to improve this further would be to include some punctuation – some sentences are a little long and you have also missed opportunities to use commas, e.g. “The little people, smaller than you or I, “. I also think the first few words would make a great short sentence – “The challenge had begun!” This would draw the reader in, giving them an opportuity to anticipate what the challenge might be and to begin to ask questions in their mind.
Thanks for this Alana – I look forward to your future pieces.
Mrs Haka