Flynn, another great post. You really rise to the challenge well. I am sure your family will enjoy this new blog as much as the others, so make sure you share it with them.
A great piece. I enjoyed your work last week too – you have a good traditional tale style – I can imagine being told yoiur stories around a fire or huddled in a tent with a caputred audience.
The section “the bird feeder” could be given a little more drama using a short sentence, or perhaps after a hypen rather than a comma. You could even use elipsis before thse key words. Play around with this sentence varying the punctuation for effect. Which do you prefer? Why? How does it affect the emphasis of this section.
Wow Flynn,
You have set the scene for this story so quickly! I really know who the characters are and what their purpose is in the story. I love how the last sentence really builds up the readers suspense! It would be great if you could begin to build the tension earlier in your piece, maybe with different punctuation, as suggested in other comments.
Well done, Keep up the good work!
Miss Finch
Team 100wc
Flynn, another great post. You really rise to the challenge well. I am sure your family will enjoy this new blog as much as the others, so make sure you share it with them.
Mr Paine
A great piece. I enjoyed your work last week too – you have a good traditional tale style – I can imagine being told yoiur stories around a fire or huddled in a tent with a caputred audience.
The section “the bird feeder” could be given a little more drama using a short sentence, or perhaps after a hypen rather than a comma. You could even use elipsis before thse key words. Play around with this sentence varying the punctuation for effect. Which do you prefer? Why? How does it affect the emphasis of this section.
I hope I get to read another of your pieces soon.
Mrs Haka
I like the ellipses idea because it looks and gives more suspense,in my opinion. Thanks for commenting Mrs. Haka
Wow Flynn,
You have set the scene for this story so quickly! I really know who the characters are and what their purpose is in the story. I love how the last sentence really builds up the readers suspense! It would be great if you could begin to build the tension earlier in your piece, maybe with different punctuation, as suggested in other comments.
Well done, Keep up the good work!
Miss Finch
Team 100wc