Goodness me Sky, what a scary story indeed! I love the way you have included the prompt and really explained what a phone user might feel.
One for the showcase!
Well done Sky I enjoyed reading your 100wc!
I like how you have used a use of short sentences maybe next time you could uplevel your work and use a use of figurative language.
Please comment back on our 100wc at http://laytonblogs.net
Well done Sky!
I like how you have used a twist at the end, I didn’t think it was going to be a picture from a game.
Maybe next time you could use more figurative language to add detail.
Please comment back on our 100wc at: http://laytonblogs.net
I enjoyed this story sky and the use of short clauses. Maybe have a go at trying to uplevel your writing by using subordinate clause, parenthetic clauses or adverbial phrases.
I would love to hear you feed back on my 100wc: http://laytonblogs.net/
I love this peace of work, it makes me want to read another one.
You could add some adverbial frazes or some present participles
I like the speech you have used ,you have used it correctly.
This is awesome! Undertale and pewdz!? BEST STORY TELLER EVER 100000000/10 the mystery of W.D Gaster will never be known….but the title…Creepy story? Creative…. Anywayz have a skele-TON of fun!
UNDERTALE!!!!!!!-AND PEWDIEPIE?! Best.story.EVERRRRRRR!100000000000000/10 (I’ve wrote a Sans and Papurus speech story) seriously this is amazing!Im filled with…..DETERMANATION!
I loved your story sky ! It was full of suspense , I liked your speech and the way you have used the prompt .
Next time could you up level a crazy sentence slowly moved across my screen to a crazy sentence walked across my screen .
From Sophie at Layton primary school .
Thank you everyone who commented on my blog and yes , I mentioned my Favrioute game Undertale and Pewdiepie.
I’ll be sure to check on everyone’s blogs from their school.
Amazing story sky loved the speech and the powerful words you have put in your brilliant story. from Zoe
Thanks zoe
Goodness me Sky, what a scary story indeed! I love the way you have included the prompt and really explained what a phone user might feel.
One for the showcase!
Well done Sky I enjoyed reading your 100wc!
I like how you have used a use of short sentences maybe next time you could uplevel your work and use a use of figurative language.
Please comment back on our 100wc at
http://laytonblogs.net
Well done Sky!
I like how you have used a twist at the end, I didn’t think it was going to be a picture from a game.
Maybe next time you could use more figurative language to add detail.
Please comment back on our 100wc at:
http://laytonblogs.net
I enjoyed this story sky and the use of short clauses. Maybe have a go at trying to uplevel your writing by using subordinate clause, parenthetic clauses or adverbial phrases.
I would love to hear you feed back on my 100wc:
http://laytonblogs.net/
I love this peace of work, it makes me want to read another one.
You could add some adverbial frazes or some present participles
I like the speech you have used ,you have used it correctly.
Please comment on ours
http://6d2015.laytonblogs.net/category/our_own_blogs/wesley/
This is awesome! Undertale and pewdz!? BEST STORY TELLER EVER 100000000/10 the mystery of W.D Gaster will never be known….but the title…Creepy story? Creative…. Anywayz have a skele-TON of fun!
Great story and great you tuber, if I were to change anything I would change shake to vibrate, just to improve your writing.
From Jaydon Layton primary school.
UNDERTALE!!!!!!!-AND PEWDIEPIE?! Best.story.EVERRRRRRR!100000000000000/10 (I’ve wrote a Sans and Papurus speech story) seriously this is amazing!Im filled with…..DETERMANATION!
Cool! Papyrus is so cool and have you played the game? I have and ill read the story of
Sans & Papyrus. Also, Mettaton is so fancy
*It fills me with DETERMATION.
I loved your story sky ! It was full of suspense , I liked your speech and the way you have used the prompt .
Next time could you up level a crazy sentence slowly moved across my screen to a crazy sentence walked across my screen .
From Sophie at Layton primary school .
I cannot belive I’m in the showcase! I just had a phone call from mum
Saying well done!
A fantastic piece of writing Sky, well done. I am very proud of you xx
Well done sky great writing !!! Very proud of you. Xxxx
Thank you everyone who commented on my blog and yes , I mentioned my Favrioute game Undertale and Pewdiepie.
I’ll be sure to check on everyone’s blogs from their school.