I like the second part of this when you add more detail. The dialogue is a clever opening to the piece – just check your punctuation in this section though as you have missed a few full stops, for example.
Ms Woodgate (Team 100WC) Maidstone, Kent. UK says:
Hello,
What a wonderfully descriptive 100 Word Challenge entry. You have used the prompt seamlessly into your writing. What a marvellous range of vocabulary you have included. It really created a tense atmosphere and it was lovely how you really described well how each person spoke.
Your teacher is right, using speech is a good idea, but read it aloud to spot full stops and commas.
This was a joy to read, Keep up the good work.
I like the second part of this when you add more detail. The dialogue is a clever opening to the piece – just check your punctuation in this section though as you have missed a few full stops, for example.
Hello,
What a wonderfully descriptive 100 Word Challenge entry. You have used the prompt seamlessly into your writing. What a marvellous range of vocabulary you have included. It really created a tense atmosphere and it was lovely how you really described well how each person spoke.
Your teacher is right, using speech is a good idea, but read it aloud to spot full stops and commas.
This was a joy to read, Keep up the good work.
Thank you for taking your time to comment, they are very much appreciated!
well done Achieng, this is amazing. Great use of speech and description. Also interesting sentence openers. Keep up the fabulous work ! 😀