Hi Arran,
A really good try at a story with action and suspense! I especially liked the detail about your sight being blurred – I wonder what caused that?
In future, try to keep the detail in the text so it all makes sense – for example, where is the lock which clicked at the start? Was it a hut in the forest? Or was it the lock on a metal gate across an abandoned mine? Adding some details like this will help your writing be clearer for your reader.
Well done for blogging and I hope you are enjoying the 100 word challenge!
Hi Arron!
My name is Emma and I’m from a school in Townsville in Grade 6.
I liked your story because of the use of fictional characters! but use a technique called ‘magnifying the moment’ It helps give the stories you write interest and allows you to zoom in on a moment and really describe it in full detail (e.g. your note, what was on it?)
Arran. Very tense. A very odd monster that is dressed in a suit and tie. Did you have anyone in mind? I think you could break up sentences with punctuation, which can also add tension. Mr Paine.
I really want to know what the note said? Well done Arran.
Miss Tytherleigh
The note said “DONT WATCH” thank you for commenting
Hi Arran,
A really good try at a story with action and suspense! I especially liked the detail about your sight being blurred – I wonder what caused that?
In future, try to keep the detail in the text so it all makes sense – for example, where is the lock which clicked at the start? Was it a hut in the forest? Or was it the lock on a metal gate across an abandoned mine? Adding some details like this will help your writing be clearer for your reader.
Well done for blogging and I hope you are enjoying the 100 word challenge!
My sight was blurred because if you stare he can see but you can’t see.
Hi Arron!
My name is Emma and I’m from a school in Townsville in Grade 6.
I liked your story because of the use of fictional characters! but use a technique called ‘magnifying the moment’ It helps give the stories you write interest and allows you to zoom in on a moment and really describe it in full detail (e.g. your note, what was on it?)
thanks for reading and the advice 🙂
Arran. Very tense. A very odd monster that is dressed in a suit and tie. Did you have anyone in mind? I think you could break up sentences with punctuation, which can also add tension. Mr Paine.
nice story I want to read more, a lot more
WOW Amazing well done arran.
from elise 🙂
so interesting ! I liked reading it a lot!
very good arran from noah
i really enjoyed reading your story if you were selling it I would buy i’m already so keen on inding what happens next good use of suspense
great name its funny like it great comedy it should be a on tv or a film.
i really want to know what the note said though