Hello Zoe,
I LOVED your story. I chuckled at the end, I thought that was something a dad would do! I spotted a prepositional in your story, can you see it? Great job! Why were you on your own? Comment beck to tell me!
But, you could have varied you sentence openers. How about add a ING opener?
Original sentence : Then my face began to grow pink and I started to run home to get out of the awkward position.
My sentence : Immediately, my face grew pink. I started to run home to get out of that awkward position.
How is that? Can you see I have used the same amount of words.
Zoe, a lot packed into 100 words. An interesting way to use the gas that had to be included in the story. I see you have a response from Ribble Drive Primary. I hope you get a chance to look at their blogs and leave a comment.
Hello Zoe,
I LOVED your story. I chuckled at the end, I thought that was something a dad would do! I spotted a prepositional in your story, can you see it? Great job! Why were you on your own? Comment beck to tell me!
But, you could have varied you sentence openers. How about add a ING opener?
Original sentence : Then my face began to grow pink and I started to run home to get out of the awkward position.
My sentence : Immediately, my face grew pink. I started to run home to get out of that awkward position.
How is that? Can you see I have used the same amount of words.
From Maddi.
How about you come and visit my blog :
http://ribbledriveprimary.net/yearsix2015/
i really enjoyed this story it made me laugh when you said it was most likely to be your dad 🙂
Zoe, a lot packed into 100 words. An interesting way to use the gas that had to be included in the story. I see you have a response from Ribble Drive Primary. I hope you get a chance to look at their blogs and leave a comment.
I really enjoyed reading this Zoe good work