This was an interesting read. However, I was a bit confused by the prize. I wondered why the school would give toxic waste as a prize? Is it the name of a type of sweet? If it isn’t a type of sweet and it was real toxic waste why would you eat it? Maybe it was real toxic waste inside a toxic waste sweet packet? Maybe it was just a tingly sweet.
That aside, you have some great writing skills. You have used a variety of sentence openers: afterwards, walking home, this Monday. These openers made your writing interesting to read. I also like the way you have experimented with using commas in your writing and the way you have varied your sentence lengths: ‘I was next.’ All of these techniques are great. Keep using them!
Thank-you for your entry this week, Jess.
This was an interesting read. However, I was a bit confused by the prize. I wondered why the school would give toxic waste as a prize? Is it the name of a type of sweet? If it isn’t a type of sweet and it was real toxic waste why would you eat it? Maybe it was real toxic waste inside a toxic waste sweet packet? Maybe it was just a tingly sweet.
That aside, you have some great writing skills. You have used a variety of sentence openers: afterwards, walking home, this Monday. These openers made your writing interesting to read. I also like the way you have experimented with using commas in your writing and the way you have varied your sentence lengths: ‘I was next.’ All of these techniques are great. Keep using them!
Mrs Evans (Team 100wc UK)
Well done Jess. Very Creative. It is good how you have used the sweet Toxic Waste which is sour.