Hi there,
I am intrigued by the fact that the statues wanted you to take a selfie with them, but your story doesn’t flow particularly well Hamster Dude (if that’s your name?!)
Could I suggest:
Instead of ‘all of a sudden’ you could simply write ‘suddenly’? It has far more impact don’t you think?
Instead of repeating ‘took a selfie with them, you could have written ‘so I obliged’, or ‘so I went along with their crazy request.’
Thanks for sharing,
Jackie
New Plymouth
New Zealand
What scared Stephen so much he couldn’t move? Well done :o)
Hi there,
I am intrigued by the fact that the statues wanted you to take a selfie with them, but your story doesn’t flow particularly well Hamster Dude (if that’s your name?!)
Could I suggest:
Instead of ‘all of a sudden’ you could simply write ‘suddenly’? It has far more impact don’t you think?
Instead of repeating ‘took a selfie with them, you could have written ‘so I obliged’, or ‘so I went along with their crazy request.’
Thanks for sharing,
Jackie
New Plymouth
New Zealand
cool story. I like it because Stephen was so scared. That is a little unusual because he is never scared!