Great use of your senses in this – the sense of touch through “the damp floor” is great. It is good to start with touch and what you can hear rather than sight – it makes the reader have to imagine the setting for themselves more. Also in the dark the other senses become heightened don’t they?
Fantastic work Aston, although there are a few comma’s missing.
Great use of your senses in this – the sense of touch through “the damp floor” is great. It is good to start with touch and what you can hear rather than sight – it makes the reader have to imagine the setting for themselves more. Also in the dark the other senses become heightened don’t they?
A lovely piece – well done!
Maybe you could have a variety of sentence openers, but apart from that it was quality writing!
Fantastic work Aston. But maybe you could change the ending to an ellipsis or a rhetorical question. An enjoyable read!
brilliant work